Reading is an escape, but so is writing

I love to read. I really, really love to read. But I also love to write.

I have been writing almost as long as I have been reading. It started with diaries, letters and another little stuff like that. When I got older I loved to write school papers. At some point I realized that it would be fun to write something of my own. I started with really short stories. But at some point I started to write longer ones. 

My ultimate goal and dream is to publish something real. For now I have only put few novellas on Wattpad. Some of them has readers, some doesn't have. The main reason why I don't actively pursue a writing career is that I'm scared. Or scratch that, I'm terrified of failure. Nothing I write never feels good enough. It all feels like rubbish. I wouldn't stand a rejection after rejection. 

I have participated on NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) for a few times. This year I got around 35k words on paper. It's good for me. I got the whole story done. Now I just need to read it through dozen times and decide whether to delete it all or not. 

One of my friends sent this quote to me a while ago. It kind of makes to keep trying. Not to give up. But maybe I settle for writing this blog for now. There might come a time when I feel comfortable to try publishing, but it's not now.

If you want to check my stories you can do it here. I don't promise anything though. And most of them aren't in English. Writing in English is so hard. I think about grammar and context all the time. I make mistakes, a really dumb ones, almost in every sentence. But I love to read in English, so maybe someday I can write something understandable in English, too.

I don't know how real authors feel about themselves and their writing. Are they happy with their writing? Do they second guess anything? The world is changing and self publishing is pretty easy these days. You need to rethink how you define who is an author and who isn't. Is everyone who has published, whether it's through publishing house or self publishing, an author? Yep, I know about indie authors. This is just me thinking.

Plus, let's face it. An author world can be very cruel. There are witch hunts, public battles between authors or authors and readers. I don't know if I am strong enough for all that. Readers can be cruel. It's true that you don't need to like every book out there, but it doesn't mean that you can be a bitch to someone just because a certain book wasn't your cup of tea. So, yeah. For now I just stick with writing for Wattpad and this blog.

If you decide to check my stories on Wattpad I would be thankful. If you don't want to look them up, it's fine too. They're not for everyone.